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Dear friends,
Here at Happy Simple Living, we are not afraid to flush out the big, pressing issues that face our nation. Which is why we have bravely plunged into the issue of mega toilet paper rolls.
Most major t.p. manufacturers now sell Colossus Mega-Jumbo Magnum rolls containing 4 TIMES!! the sheets of a regular roll. (As we all know, today’s ‘regular roll’ contains approximately 14 squares.)
Is this claim true? Do we consumers really want these fatter rolls — even though they no longer fit in the holders?
My friends, you are an intelligent bunch. When you see those packages, do you feel happy because you’re getting an even greater value in your toilet paper purchases?
Or do you feel cranky because you’re paying more bucks for fewer squares?
Sometimes I wonder if toilet paper manufacturers think our brains are full of ultra soft cotton.
This is definitely a #FirstWorldProblem, but these Hercules-sized rolls do not fit in any of our holders. Furthermore, our neighborhood grocery store has stopped selling normal rolls, and now sells only Mega-Colossus-Jumbo-Big Ole’ Honkin’-Magnum rolls.
Guaranteed To Fit
I recently purchased several packages of Quilted Northern Ultra Soft & Strong, as the company’s wood and fiber sourcing practices are certified by the Sustainable Forestry Initiative.
Sustainability was part of my decision, but the other reason was this compelling promise printed on the package:
“Guaranteed to fit your roll holder or your money back.”
Bolstered with confidence, I bought the package and breathlessly ran upstairs to install a roll. The funny thing is that there is at least an inch of space on either side of the roll, but I had to use a shoehorn to get the roll in the holder.
Once in, it would not turn. For obvious reasons, this presents a problem. As you can see, the top of the roll is wedged in the holder:
In the interest of getting a handle on this issue, I decided to take advantage of the company’s money-back guarantee.
When I visited the site, however, I was disappointed to see not an offer for cash back, but an offer for a free “Roll Extender.”
The value of the free roll extender was “$2 – $3” according to the site.
(Side note: Is it me, or does this whole Mega Roll Extender thing sound just a little naughty?)
Clearly, if I wanted to actually use my new Quilted Northern toilet paper, I would have to get their gadget. The instructions required me to write “the reason you would like a roll extender” on a piece of paper.
This is an excellent question from the Quilted Northern Quality Control team. Because, what could possibly be the reason?why a person would need an extender?
Could it be that the #%$?@&! Colossus Jumbo Mega Grande Magnum toilet paper roll doesn’t fit in the holder??
<<deep breath, deep cleansing breath, inhale peace, exhale stress, serenity now!>>
Anyhow, I dutifully assembled my proof of purchase, receipt, and required explanatory letter, and sent it off.
Then the waiting began. Nine weeks passed, with no sign of my Roll Extender. Every time I ran to the mailbox and came up empty-handed, I felt like Ralphie from The Christmas Story waiting for his Ovaltine decoder ring to arrive.
After so many disappointing daily trips to the mailbox, I wondered if the Quilted Northern people had forgotten about me and my Roll Extender.
Looking for Answers
Sometimes big brands’ social media managers seem to reply more quickly to customer service requests, so I decided to reach out and touch someone via the Quilted Northern Facebook page.
Before I sent my message, I officially “Liked” the page. The header photo features an enviable prototype toilet paper holder (probably invented by Elon Musk) that perfectly fits the Quilted Northern mega roll. Jealous!!
The moment I clicked the “Like” button, Facebook helpfully alerted all of my friends and family members about my new passion.
Feeling heady, I sent off my inquiry. Sure enough, the social media manager responded quickly. (It pays to be the Facebook fan of a t.p. company.) The note read: “Hi Eliza, thanks for contacting us. Let us reach some of our internal teams and see what we can do. We will get back to you soon!”
Woah. Not only was I getting personal service, but the INTERNAL TEAMS of Quilted Northern were getting involved. Talk about having friends in lofty places!
A few days later, the package I had been awaiting for ten weeks finally arrived with a nice letter and my very own $2-$3 value Roll Extender.
I could hardly wait to try it!
I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. The Roll Extender worked.
We could now actually turn the Mega Toilet Paper roll, thus providing that all-important access to the tissue.
The only downside? The Roll Extender is white plastic, which doesn’t match the chrome holder, and it has the Quilted Northern logo printed in the “gap” area.
With a roll in place, you see the letters “TED” and “ERN.” Whenever I see his name, I like to imagine that Ted Ern is the kindly inventor of the Roll Extender.
So the extender works, but it’s unattractive. Do we choose aesthetics or utility, my friends? This is a conundrum that has plagued mankind through the ages, from the design of stone tools and wooden teeth to Quonset huts and men’s sandals.
Miracles Do Happen
UPDATE: You’ll never guess what happened. After I wrote this post, I was contacted by the Canadian company Teravan.
Teravan manufactures an extender that’s actually attractive! You can probably imagine the swirl of excitement I felt when they offered to let me try their products. (Move over, Khloe Kardashian! There’s a new “influencer” in town.)
Teravan’s white and chrome extenders have a decided designer feel:
The best part of all? After installing one of Teravan’s snazzy adjustable toilet paper roll adapters, the roll actually turns! One can actually access the paper!
This is clearly a revolution — or should I say a turning point? — in modern TP history.
How About You?
Do you love or loathe this new trend? Do you long for the good old days of Double Rolls? Or do the Mega Honkin’ Extra-Grande Texas Sized Big Ole’ Boy toilet tissue rolls fit just fine in your holders?
How long will it be before a rogue manufacturer offers a roll with 5 times the sheets of a regular roll?
Also: Do you think that perhaps I need to take up a new hobby?
I’d love to hear from you, and together we’ll get to the bottom of this important tissue issue.
Your devoted TP Access Advocate,
P.S. Thanks to Miles Goodhew for being a good sport and letting us use his photo, which was taken on the day his regular glasses were being repaired, as a stand-in for Ted Ern.
Eliza Cross is the creator of Happy Simple Living, where she shares ideas to help busy people simplify cooking, gardening, holidays, home, and money. She is also the award-winning author of 17 cookbooks, including Small Bites and 101 Things To Do With Bacon.
I think it is important that you voice your opinion to manufacturers. I’m sure someone thought of aesthetics, but decided it might cost them too much to offer something different or options. So many companies do the “new and improved” to only have smaller packaging so they can keep the same retail price, but they are selling a smaller amount. And as far as “new and improved,” well how many different ways is there to pluck that chicken?
Haha, I agree with you, Becky. So often I wish companies would just leave a good product alone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. xo
I LOATHE them!
I have brought this up to the manufacturer because I can’t find regular toilet paper anywhere any more. Their response was basically ‘I don’t know what your talking about because we still sell them’. Oh really? Then why can’t I find them anywhere. Even when I do a search on two ply toilet paper I’m inundated with “mega rolls!”
I HATE these stupid rolls. No, I’m not gong to buy a cheesy extender because my toilet paper holder doesn’t even work with one, the roll slides on, and it angers me that I’m being forced into it.
I guess everyone should remodel their bathroom because of the toilet paper industry? Will manufacturers of bathroom hardware will have to retool their machinery for them too? It’s RIDICULOUS!
Honestly, I wouldn’t care if they gave me a choice, but they don’t. I would buy my regular roles and ignore the stupid mega rolls, but I can’t find them and am being forced to use a product that doesn’t work and it’s infuriating.
And what about those God awful jumbo rolls they now have? They show them on stands because there is no extender or appliance that can hold them. That is unless your bathroom has the decor of a public bathroom in a gas station. I’m sorry, but I don’t want the most prominent feature in my bathroom to be a roll of toilet paper. Call me crazy.
I’m convinced a man came up with these “amazing” toilet paper ideas because apparently changing a toilet paper roll is far too taxing for most men (so they leave it barren) plus it sounds like it was named by the guy who came up with “monster trucks”.
But hey! I only have to change the roll twice instead of 3 times! That is if I could get the roll to turn without shredding. TRULY GENIUS! It’s right up there with the banana cutter. Another exhausting activity we’ve been spared from.
I am late to the party. Maybe it’s living in Iowa. LOL! We NOW have ONLY MEGA rolls available and I have searched far and wide as well! I am in complete agreement with you, LP. This is absolutely ridiculous. It’s all about the money. And….now I have to throw out toilet roll products that once fit the everything just fine. What a waste! I’m pissed.
Kimberley, I agree that it’s SO annoying!!
It bothers me even more to know that I have to pay a lot more for that certain kind of toilet paper that doesn’t hurt the bare necessities. A catalog was used years ago, I know I should feel blessed. I think the manufacturers should at least meet a standard softness scale or softness rating! And if they feel they need to slim the roll from being two inches wider and two inches taller, I will happily set it on the floor.
Your comment about a catalog made me laugh, Susan. I love the idea for a softness scale. Genius! Thanks for your note. xoxo
You are making me proud, you activist you!
Awww, thanks, Mom. I can always count on you to be proud. :-) xoxo
I just want regular size rolls back!!!
You crack me up! As a person who is too cheap to buy anything but store brand toilet paper, I have yet to encounter the mega-roll phenomenon. My most recent TP crisis was that I accidentally grabbed what looked like a great deal, only to discover that I had inadvertently come home with a 12 pack of SINGLE ply toilet paper! The horror!
Anyhow, the extender does look a bit cheezy – I’ve never used the stuff, but I think they make special spray paint designed to be used on plastic. Maybe there’s a silver color? Probably defeats the purpose of saving by buying the mega rolls though…
Your comment about single-ply toilet paper has me in hysterics! Thanks for reminding me that things can always be worse! xo
I buy the mega rolls of Charmin Ultra Stong if it is a good value. I don’t just automatically by bigger rolls. I always compare the prices. B/c prices change, sometimes the bigger rolls are currently a better deal, and sometimes the regular rolls are a better deal. I have never had a problem with toilet paper rolls of any size fitting the toilet paper holder (ceramic in the tile wall that’s been there at least 40 years).
Elizabeth, the folks who built your home forty years ago were clearly forward-thinkers! I’m trying not to feel envious of your easy-spinning rolls! :-)
I cannot agree with you more. The roll sizes have gotten out of hand! I can’t even find a paper reserve tower that will accommodate the new 4=1 mega rolls. The world of toilet paper was perfect as the triple roll. I can’t find the 3:1 anywhere. The industry decision to push to the 4:1 size is just poo poo!!!
Since i’ve been stealing all of my toilet paper from gas stations and office buildings for years i hardly noticed the change in grocer stock. Upon inspection the “mega rolls” dont seem all that big to me. They barely take up space on top of my purloined 2’x2’paper discuss. Stop wasting your time buying toilet paper monthly, and see what it’s like to “shop” for TP anually for a household of 6.
Ok. I don’t care who you are that was funny and informative! You are good at addressing a problem with humor MS Cross and I laughed all through it and got angry at the TP Manufacturers as well! Are we able to purchase these roll extenders in the box stores? or do we have do subject ourselves to the naked light bulb questionnaire like as you had to do? Thanks for taking them to task!
And I thought it was only me having trouble turning the toilet paper. We are currently remodeling our master bath and there was quite a “to do” last night putting together the new toilet paper holder and holding it by hand against a wall while have a new roll inserted to see if it would turn. Seems like it might work. So maybe the new ones are bigger and this one isn’t recessed. But I am a little disappointed by the fact that you just dropped the ball when mentioning that the roll is no longer as wide as it used to be. I’ve noticed that too, and it drives me crazy. All of that wasted space on the sides, and it’s overflowing against the wall. Oh well.
Oh my gosh, you are absolutely right. The rolls are not as wide! Thank you for your astute observation. :-)
You got it just right. We just installed beautiful new tile in our bathroom and cannot find a tile toilet paper dispenser that will hold these monster toilet paper rolls. My wife bought some larger metal dispensers, but they will look stupid on the beautiful tile wall, so I am looking for an alternative. Donald Marsden
Donald, this is probably a great business opportunity for some shrewd entrepreneur. The world needs the Classy Mega-Roll Holder! Shark Tank, here we come!
I literally just heard a new advertisement – Charmin will now be selling a “Super Mega Roll”. Supposedly it’s 6 rolls in one! I’ve always hated the “mega” rolls, and this put it over the top for me. That’s actually how I found this little blog of yours – well done. But hopefully they can get their paper under control, because how much bigger can they get? Soon we’ll be buying toilet paper the size of full tires!
Chandra, I laughed so hard at your description of a tire-sized roll of toilet paper. Thank you for the important update. I just shared it on Facebook to see what our readers think. When will the supersizing end?
Chandra.. You are very funny. I just today realized that I can not buy anymore regular size of toilet paper and looking for a solution to my problem, I also found this blog. Read your writings and got a big laugh… Which of course is much better than crying…
Was wondering about pricing and did the math on Super Ultra Charmin vs. Charmin Mega. Turns out the Mega is cheaper per sheet. Counterintuitive and sneaky on Charmin’s part. But it does fit our dispensers nicely.
Shellye, I LOVE that you did the math! It’s a comfort to know that even though the rolls don’t fit in many holders, the cost really is a little better. Thank you!
I HATE Mega Rolls. I HATE extenders, and my current really nice toilet paper holder really looks nice and it rotates up so it’s easier to change rolls but as far as I know there isn’t an “extender” to fit it; plus if there is one it would ruin my aesthetically designed toilet paper holder. I refuse to “go Mega” and I’ll pay the price; that is if they keep making double rolls.
Glad to know I am not alone in hating the Mega Rolls. And most stores in my area, only sell Mega or Mega Plus! Two of our bathrooms have a free standing toilet paper holder that holds 3 spare rolls and the hanging roll at the top. There is no adapter that will make those spare rolls fit in the spot for the extras.
Thank you!! This has annoyed me to no end! I too have wondered why on earth anyone needs toilet paper rolls the size of a tire! To my knowledge must homes do not offer a public restroom to the community. Why do we need industrial size rolls? Up until about a month ago double rolls were still available. Those are actually preferable. Now mega is the only option. Why can’t they still make both?!! Just give us a choice!
Thank you for your humorous take on this super-annoying problem!!!
So, it is now 2018 and TP rolls have grown even larger. Has anyone found a standard size roll of nice toilet paper that will still fit in regular toilet paper holders?
Great question. You might try the Trader Joe’s regular toilet paper. It fits in our circa-1976 holders.
What fun….in the meantime has anyone located a “replacement” toilet-paper, recessed holder that will work? I would put such a device in new homes that are built under my direction and would buy one for my own home.
I laughed, but not too long, because I have #2 problem (not what you think). I got my “free extender” from Charmin. I too thought wow they forgot me..Not so. They said 2 to 3 weeks and it arrived in 3. I was so happy.
I just moved to a 1930’s home with the original ceramic tile insert for the TP. I too scraped and pinched and socked the big rolls into rolling action, which never worked. I found tiny paper. Just as expensive, but didn’t have to waste half the roll to fit, except I practically use a roll a day. What did we do before these ginormous rolls came into existence? How did I survive?
I too ran to my bathroom with my new Charmin Extender (and in case you have been in seclusion since birth, a card with installation instructions). AND, the ends don’t fit into my ceramic 1930’s, half the size, recessed holes. Sigh…
I am now going to wait the umpteen weeks IF Northern still offers their extender. Mine has flat hard plastic ends. There are no McGyver adjustment capabilities. I tried. Northern looks like they are rounded. Maybe they will slightly fit into these tiny holes.
So thank you. Had my laugh for the day. Well actually the second one, after seeing some videos of some really crazy DIYers solving the problem.
P.S. Spray paint, my go to logo cover.
Hate them how big are they going to get? When will the madness stop it’s just stupid!!!! Return the smaller rolls
Agreed….leave well enough alone…these mega rolls cause chaos..they don’t fit…need new holders, extenders, etc…all so manufacturers can increase their profit ..pad their pockets …shame
Judith, December 26, 2018
What about other brands of toilet paper? Are there no brands that are equally soft but not so enormous? I just hate the mega rolls which cannot be crammed in the inset wall holders in my 1947 era house. Who dreamed up this “innovation”?
Thanks Eliza for your comments and creating this TP forum!
Judith, thank you for framing my blog post as a TP forum. :-) What would we do without others to commiserate with about mega TP rolls? You might try the Trader Joe’s regular toilet paper. It fits in our circa-1976 holders. Or maybe an extender like this? https://amzn.to/2EWehcl
Ha, just found your blog looking for a solution to my Mega problem. Your blog and readers’ comments are a great comic relief to way too much serious thinking on my part. My final solution to the Charmin Mega Roll Extender was to epoxy a 3/8″ diameter by 1/4″ long nylon spacer to each end of the extender. We’ll see if this brings a modicum of happiness back into our home. Now, we can get back to the “over or under” debate – really serious stuff! (Although, I believe Federal Law is on my side. With so many Federal statutes at least one has to address toilet paper!)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I have to publicly admit that I actually researched the over/under and the patent says over. Hotel studies say over because people use less. So, for us(and any bathrooms belonging to friends and family,) over it is!! Unless you have cats…then it’s under to defeat their spinning proclivity!!
HAS NO ONE ENCOUNTERED THE PROBLEM OF OVERSIZE ROLLS THAT THAT BEGIN TO UNFURL BY THEM SELVES AS SOON AS THEY ARE INSERTED IN THE EXTENDER? All of my home and office toilets now feature these “Toilet Paper TAILS!”
Am I the only person in the US that is experiencing this?
TELL ME THE TRUTH! Am I the butt (no intended pun) of a vast conspiracy?
Eliza, I am so happy I found you, although I’m late to the party. I’ve been ranting for days, since my local supermarket just phased out normal and double sized rolls for the Mega and bigger rolls. I called Raley’s corporate, and was told by a “lovely” customer service rep, that there must be something wrong with my toilet paper holders, since I am the only person having a problem…Oh, really?!. My annoyed response: don’t give me your corporate line of BS, let me speak with a manager/supervisor. Like your long wait for your holder, I am still waiting for a call back. I have concluded that manufacturers are totally ignorant, incompetent, and highly manipulative. No worries about annoying and inconveniencing their paying customers….And the stores that carry this “new and better” don’t give a hoot, either, for their customers. If the stores really listened, they could make a difference with the manufactures (at least one would hope so).
So thanks for the laughs, the information, and a place to vent. Not that anyone who could do anything about this matter would ever pay attention. I may save my brown paper insides of the double rolls I still have, and then roll my own. Isn’t that how cigarettes were made in the good old days?
Better than the corn cobs of my grandma’s day! This is DEFINITELY a First World problem!
In my recently purchased newer home, I inherited a newfangled open-ended holder that will accommodate ANY size roll (I know, eat your hearts out). The problem is that the space for the toilet was designed for very thin or very tiny people. I am definitely NOT in either category so my wide carriage butts (no pun intended) up against the TP roll, either knocking it off behind the toilet or attaching itself to my bathrobe to unwind behind me as I walk. Usually I only have a trail of Soft and Strong about 25 ft. into the bedroom but once I got all the way to the kitchen 3 rooms away! That’s a LOT of expensive toilet paper to toss or re-roll. Thanks to all of you for the laughs
Toni, we have a tiny bathroom, too! Bathrooms were just built smaller back in the old days. Your description of your TP antics made me laugh so hard! Thank you for sharing your experiences. :-)
I hate the mega rolls! I now have to search for double rolls. Some idiot came up with this to save the manufacture less cardboard. So they roll more paper on one cardboard tube not realizing that not everyone doesn’t have a dispenser to hold these mega beasts! Bigger is not always better!
White-out would get rid of the letters. Or if you don’t have any, scotch tape over a piece of paper? I can’t believe they did that. So dumb.
I hate that my Target now only has these monstrosities. I looked into another brand’s guaranteed fit, and I would have had to give them permission to use my info in order to get my money back. I’m sure I could have rescinded it later, but by then I’d be on a bunch of lists. No thanks. Just let me and my wall holder from decades ago use the old double rolls, please.
Ahhhh….for the good old days of Double Rolls, right? We didn’t know how good we had it back then! Thanks for sharing your experiences and I hope you find a roll that fits.
Thank you!! This has annoyed me to no end! I too have wondered why on earth anyone needs toilet paper rolls the size of a tire! To my knowledge must homes do not offer a public restroom to the community. Why do we need industrial size rolls? Up until about a month ago double rolls were still available. Those are actually preferable. Now mega is the only option. Why can’t they still make both?!! Just give us a choice!
Ha!! Well my panties are in a bunch, my in-wall dispenser is empty, and the only-available-Mega-rolls are in a basket. Two hands required now…time to put my head between my 70 yr old knees and KMAGB? OR go back to Mullen leaves. And so it goes…
Dennis, your comment about using leaves made me laugh! Hopefully a manufacturer will decide to have mercy on us and manufacture a nice roll that fits the holder so we don’t have to go to that extreme. :-)
Reading all these comments has made my day and now I don’t feel alone! I live in a house that is 15 years old and had not noticed the problem with the mega rolls. HOWEVER, my daughter – in her 20 year old house and two small children – has the mega-roll problem and I (foolishly) told her to get some “extenders”. Knowing that she’d never have time, I went home and took two toilet paper holders from my house and put them in her house (that’s what mothers do… they give up everything for their kids and grandkids). I ordered two new extenders from Charmin – only to discover that they do not fit!!!! I looked at the 3rd bathroom and the toilet paper extender in there says “Charmin” on it – but the NEW ones that Charmin is sending out do not fit! So, at one time (15 years ago?) Charmin made extenders that did fit all of the older homes! Of course I’d be a really horrible person if I took back my “old house fitting” TP extenders from my daughter!
Jackie, your story made me laugh and commiserate! I have a couple of these extenders and they work very well in our home, which was built in 1976: https://amzn.to/2EWehcl Good luck, and thanks for weighing in on this important issue!
Eliza, thank you for the link! However, it’s the story of my life that I’m always a day late and a dollar short. As luck would have it, I was shopping June 6th at our local Publix (Florida grocery chain – I live near Orlando) and as I walked down the TP aisle I looked at the TP holders (as I have for the past 3 weeks) and saw the same old ones that don’t fit. Then, at the end of the aisle, I spotted some hanging all by themselves and wondered why they weren’t with the others. I grabbed one and realized I had hit the jackpot. Even better was the price of $2.99. Once gettiing home I left the ice cream melting on the counter while I ran to the bathroom to try the TP holder — AND IT WORKED!!!! So please consider this a public service announcement …. IF you live in a state with a Publix, you might find the right size – but look closely. The TP holder was made by Brite Concepts (www.brite-concepts.com). I didn’t see any of these on their website but you could always contact them. My family thinks I’m obsessed and crazy – but I know you all understand!
If they want to make mega rolls then make the center tube smaller so the outside diameter stays the same. Then they would still fit existing holders! Come on TP manufacturers use the brains you should have (since you are still in business) it is easier to change your tube size than to expect all of us to get new TP holders.